Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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