So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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