i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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