matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
