I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
