my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize