You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize