I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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