He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
