I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
