i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
