nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
