She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
