I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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