Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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