I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize