have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize