I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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