seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
