I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
