Where is the hickey?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
