He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
