I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
