i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
