Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize