why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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