I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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