Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
