he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found your dick twin last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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