There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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