i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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