Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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