I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
