wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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