oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
