the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
