My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
