Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
