Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
