Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
