Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
