It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
50% drunk capacity currently
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
