Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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