cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
