we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
