You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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