y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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