i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
