I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
