just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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