she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
