I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
