I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
