You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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