She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
