This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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