If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
