then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize