I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
