The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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