I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
