and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
