I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
