Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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