Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
