I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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