Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
