you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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