I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
