just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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