Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
