I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
