whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize